Where Are We Going?
As we approach the end of 2021, I can feel the familiar weight of annual reflection start to sink in around and within me. How did we grow in the last year? How were we challenged? What did we accomplish? It’s exciting to celebrate what’s come to pass in the last 365 small, slow days that somehow bring us miles and miles from where we were to where we are. I had somewhat of a whirlwind of a year myself, going through pretty big changes. In the midst of those changes I begrudgingly took God’s hand and pouted the whole way, much like a toddler, but He was patient with me and taught me more than I realized about how trustworthy and faithful He is.
One year ago, I was in the middle of my last year of college online, living at home, finishing up a very niche-specific degree that I had recently realized God was calling me out of, and trying to figure out where to go next. I was so far down the path that I’d started that it made the most sense to finish up and bid adieu to basically everything I knew and was good at. For someone who finds comfort and clings to plans, this was petrifying. I often found myself asking the question, “Lord, where are we going?!” I wanted and often tried to have a death grip on any certainty. One attempt at this, ironically, was to finally become a member at the church that I loved and attended during college, but never committed to because of the distance. Now, I was close enough! With it, came service. With it, came commitment. With it, came my favorite part, community.
Right after the infamous Snowpocalypse in Texas, I met a small group of girls that were just as eager to find like-minded women as I was. Very quickly, we dove into each other’s lives and shared things that we’ve never told anyone else - not out of obligation, but of a pure desire to be known and loved. This was in March and I can tell you 7 months later that they have become my sisters. They know me. Not just what I choose to put on my Instagram feed, but the depths of who I am - what makes me passionate and joyful, my pitfalls, the ugliest and darkest parts of myself. They see it ALL, and they still truly love me… because can you truly love someone if you don’t? This is the group of women that God has used to change me the most, and it started with the choice to show up on a Sunday morning for one hour.
I like to think that the last year was a refresh. The Lord gave me the gift of rebuilding me. He showed me what I was good at, what I truly loved, and I asked Him how I should use those things. Somehow, some way, that led me to kids ministry. My church had a need for people and I had the time to offer. Y’all, I don’t know how to express just how lost, in the most comical way, I was going into this. What do you even do with small humans? I can barely hold a conversation with someone my age, how am I supposed to entertain, care for, and share the gospel with an infant? I won’t lie, I didn’t enjoy it at first. But I found a groove, leaned on people that I could learn from, and now it’s one of my greatest joys. Seriously, my baby radar is always on; I have to resist the urge to go hold other people’s children in public (in the most non-creepy way possible).
I share all of this not to boast in my personal growth, but to bear witness to the Lord’s gracious and generous heart. I haven’t figured it all out. I don’t know what life will look like in the next 365 days. I wish I could. But I’ve learned that I don’t have to, because Abba doesn’t require that of me to accomplish His will. He doesn’t need our skills or our hustle, He just wants our surrendered, undivided heart. Tiny, moment by moment, obedient steps of faith. My world looks completely different than it did one year ago, and that is nothing short of God’s mercy.
My prayer for you, friend, is that you would trust God with your today. And if we are lucky enough to see the next morning, ask, “Lord, where are we going?”
“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”
